The Burden a Wife Should Not Bear

Women identify men who they deem capable of providing financially and protecting physically as having the potential to be “husband.”
Men put on their best show during the dating/courting phase,

They veil those secret haunting insecurities of self-doubt.
The woman is convinced that he has what it takes.

Post wedding day, a husband gradually shows his true colors.
Little by little he confides in her his self-doubts.
Initially, she attempts to offset his insecurities by reassuring him.
He finds her to be a source of consolation and affirmation.

He confides in her his deepest fears:

Not being able to provide adequately.
Not measuring up at work.
Not being a man of strength.
Feeling like a failure at home and in bed.
Body image insecurity.
Not being liked, included.

Nearly every good wife thinks, “I want my husband to share everything with me.”
Over time, the waters of his self-doubt erode her sense of security and drown her confidence in him as a man—as her man.

But the burden becomes too great.

A loving wife wants to solve her husband’s problems.
Yet, no amount of validation—consoling him, physical intimacy with him—can resolve his lack of confidence.

God gives a man his wife as the context for him to become a man.
Yet, no woman can make a man a man.
Only God can.

In this context known as marriage it is incumbent upon a man to protect his wife—from himself.
His insecurities make her insecure.
His lack of confidence reduces her confidence in him.

If he is not careful, by burdening his wife with his self-doubts, he can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
By voicing that he is not a man, she may begin to believe it.
By voicing that he is not enough, she may begin to think it.

The true man becomes a man by loving woman rightly…
By shielding her from himself.
By not burdening her with his self-doubt.
Only God’s shoulders are big enough to carry and cure that cross.
Only God can teach him how to love himself…then he will love his wife.