Admonition 4: Let Not Thy Sins Haunt Thee

Why dost thou permit thy former sins
to torment and accuse thy soul in the present hour?
Thou rememberest thy transgressions
and feelest compunction for them—and rightly so.
Yet if thou hast repented of these offenses
and received Christ’s absolution
through the ministry of His holy priest,
why then dost thou scourge thy soul
with ceaseless accusation and condemnation?

Knowest thou not
that guilt hath but two origins:
from heaven or from hell,
from God the Redeemer
or from the devil the Accuser?
The voice to which thou givest ear
determineth the path upon which thou shalt walk.

If thy guilt be born of accusatory shame,
it shall lead thee unto despair of Divine Mercy.
But if thy sorrow stirreth thee to repentance
with steadfast hope in the Lord’s forgiveness,
then peace shall surely follow.

Mark this well:
a sure sign that a thought proceedeth from the demons
is that it beareth the fruit of anxiety and despair.
But a sure sign that a thought cometh from God
is that it is quickened by hope
and crowned with peace.

Thou lackest peace
because thou lackest hope;
and thou lackest hope
because thou livest in thy past
rather than in the present moment
with trust in the holy and abiding Presence of God.

Yet thou resistest this counsel,
persuading thyself that such trust
is contrary to sanctity.
Thou imaginest that thy shame, thy scrupulosity,
and thy refusal to relinquish past sins
are marks of holiness.
But behold:
thou art bound by servile fear and scruples—
chains not forged by God.

Thou questionest the Lord oft,
wondering whether He hath forgiven this sin or that.
Yet in doubting His forgiveness,
thou doubtest His goodness.
Hath He not declared,
“As far as the east is from the west,
so far have I removed thy transgressions from thee”?

Yet thou criest,
“My sin is too grievous!
My offense too heinous!
How can God forgive such a man as I?”
Such words wear the cloak of humility,
yet they rob the Cross of its saving power.

Doth not the Cross descend
deeper than the depths of thy depravity?
Is not thy Lord’s sacrifice
greater than thy sins?
Did not the holy doctor
Thérèse of Lisieux
liken all the sins of the world
to a single drop of water
cast into the furnace of Divine Love—
there to be utterly consumed?

Who art thou, O soul,
to empty the Cross of its power to redeem?
If from that Cross the Savior forgave
those who sought not His mercy,
how much more hath He forgiven thee
who desirest to be forgiven?

Thou fearest that God cannot forgive thee;
nay rather, thou shouldst fear
that thou lackest faith
in His boundless mercy.
Thou strikest thy soul repeatedly,
believing thyself above such sin—
and this is pride.
Hath it not been said,
“There but for the grace of God go I”?
Did not the Savior proclaim,
“I came not for the righteous, but for sinners”?

Amend thy thoughts, therefore.
Art thou a sinner—or a Pharisee?
If a sinner, and thou repentest,
thou art forgiven.
If a self-righteous Pharisee,
thou perceivest not thy need for mercy.

Thou protest that thy sorrow endureth
because thou hast wounded others by thy sin;
yet by refusing the Lord’s mercy,
thou woundest His Sacred Heart still more.
Certainly by thanking and praising Him
for His forgiveness,
He would heal the harm thou hast wrought.

Thou sayest,
“I am ashamed of what I have done.”
Well said.
Yet better still
that thou dwell not upon thy shame,
but proclaim the goodness of God
who hath forgiven thee.

O my soul, hast thou not considered
that thy very sins
may be redeemed unto great good?
For in knowing thy sin,
thou hast come to know His mercy.
In remembering thy fault,
thou rememberest also His forgiveness.

Say not, “I am not forgiven, for I still remember.”
Nay—
Divine Wisdom permitteth thee to remember
that thou mightest not fall again.
If thou forgettest the pain born of sin,
thou wouldst be more prone to repeat it.

If thou desirest freedom
from the haunting of past transgressions,
then when thou rememberest a former sin,
lift it up unto Almighty God
and give Him thanks
that in the fullness of His mercy
He hath redeemed thee.

Then shall the demons lose their power over thee,
and thy soul shall find rest.
For as the prophet proclaimeth,

“With the Lord there is mercy,
and with Him is fullness of redemption.”