Why Husbands Fight With Their Wives: The Core Reason

The female in the Song of Songs, laments, “I have not kept my own vineyard…
the sons of my mother fought against me” (See Songs 1:6).
This woman represents the vast amounts of women who, neglected and abused by men, have been left to protect their own dignity—or not.

The “sons” are the sons of her mother Eve, “the Mother of the Living,” who “fought against her.”
These sons represent us men, who have been entrusted with the sacred duty to cherish, love and uphold the dignity of woman—or not.

Adam, and therefore the sons of Adam, were commanded by God to “till and keep” the garden” (See Genesis 2:15).
The Hebrew word, abad, rendered “till” literally means to protect, and the Hebrew word shamar, rendered “keep” literally means to cherish.

God entrusted Adam, and all men, with the sacred duty to protect and cherish the garden, which is a rich symbol of Israel, the Church and woman—particularly her sacred dignity.

The serpent approached the woman first to sow division between Adam’s affection toward his wife and his obedience to God.

In the moment that Eve tempted Adam, he became conscious of the fact that to resist the evil presented by Eve to partake in the forbidden fruit would demand that he resist her.

On one hand, if Adam separated himself from Eve, who “at last is bone of [his] bones and flesh of [his] flesh” (Genesis 2:23), he would have remained with God.
On the other hand, by clinging to Eve, Adam would cut himself off from God.

Adam chose to side with her rather than the God who gave her to him.
Eve became Adam’s idol…and also his bane.

There is a direct correlation between man’s separation of himself from his sacred duty of sacrificial responsibility for woman and the fissure between his body and soul.

From this point onward, Adam and the sons of Adam (that’s us) are at war within themselves, “for the good which [they] will, [they] do not; but the evil which [they] will not [they] do” (see Romans 7:18).

Being at war within himself whom he cannot conquer, man wages war against woman to conquer her.
Why? Because through the first temptation, she conquered him.

Often, woman is a perpetual reminder to man of his failure to assume sacrificial responsibility for her.
Consequently, he punishes woman for reminding him of his failure to sacrifice himself for her.

Though man desires woman, and is instinctually attracted to her, he is continually tempted to scorn her, use her, abuse her, and objectify her.

If a man assumes his responsibility to sacrifice himself—and yes, his lust—for his wife, she will entrust her vineyard to him…
and the fighting will cease.

Rather than fighting against her, the real man fights for her…
and fighting for her, he wins her love.