Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Marriage

Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before Marriage

Section 1: Physical

1. Have you struggled with pornography or sexual sin, and have you sought to overcome those problems?
2. How do you understand marital intimacy (sex in marriage)? — pleasure, union, and openness to life?
3. Have you experienced sexual trauma, shame, or brokenness that needs to be spoken of before marriage?
4. What do you believe about contraception and the Church’s teaching on natural family planning?
5. Are we ready for the demands of fertility – timing, patience, and periodic abstinence?
6. How will you protect intimacy when children, exhaustion, or stress enter the picture?
7. Are we both comfortable talking honestly about desire, temptation, and expectations?

Section 2: Personal

1. What did love look like in your family growing up?
2. How did your father treat you, growing up, good and bad? Father abuse, alcoholic, never told you how beautiful you were, etc.?
3. How do you respond when you’re hurt – withdraw, lash out, or seek repair?
4. How do you handle conflict — do you need space, conversation, or time?
   1. How do we resolve this when it is the opposite?
5. Let’s talk about forgiveness — do you hold grudges or seek peace quickly?
6. When you feel stressed, what kind of support do you need from your spouse? Give room, offer to help, focus on other household tasks and concerns?
7. Have you dealt with any addictions, habits, or unresolved pain that might affect marriage?

Section 3: Spiritual: Moral

1. How is your relationship with Jesus Christ like — Savior, teacher, friend, Lord?
   Do you pray to God the Father and the Holy Spirit?
   Do you pray to Mary and the saints?
2. How do you live your faith day to day — prayer, confession, Mass, spiritual direction?
3. How do you understand the sacrament of marriage — covenant and contract?
4. What moral teachings of the Church challenge you most or do you disagree with? How do you wrestle with them?
5. FAMILY CULTURE: Will we raise our children fully Catholic? What does that look like beyond Sunday?
6. How do we pray together – and how will we when we’re busy or distant?
7. How do we discern God’s will when we disagree or face major decisions?

Section 4: Practical: Money, Roles, Family, and Daily Life

Finances & Work

1. Do you want a single-income or dual-income family – and why?
2. Who is the primary financial provider, and are we both at peace with that?
3. Finances – who manages it, how transparent will it be, and what’s your budget plan?
4. How important is money to you – stability, comfort, or status? Saver or Spender?
5. Will one of you stay home when the children arrive, and for how long?

Parenting & Family Culture

1. How do you want to discipline our children – corporal, verbal, structured, or conversational? Are you against any or some of those methods?
   Discuss Punishment vs Discipline and your own experience and vices?
2. What kind of family culture are you trying to build – meals together, prayer time, shared work, Sunday rest?
3. How will you handle holidays and extended family expectations – who do you visit, and how often?
4. What role should faith play in the daily life of your family – beyond just Sunday Mass?

Roles & Leadership

1. What are the husband’s and wife’s roles and responsibilities in your home?
2. To her: Do you respect and uphold his authority to lead your family as head?
3. To him: Will you give your all — emotionally, physically, and spiritually — to lead as Christ did for His Bride while working on your failings?
4. How will you make decisions when you disagree — who has final say, and how do you keep the peace?

Watch/listen to the full episode: 

The Exact Questions No One Asks Before Marriage (But Everyone Should)

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Devin Schadt | Executive Director of the Fathers of St. Joseph

Ite ad Joseph