What Separates the Men from the Boys

Love your enemies.
Do good to those who hate you.

Our Lord’s command not only seems impossible, but unjust.

Would not the world be better off if the bad were burned, the evil executed, and the unjust justly condemned?

Afterall, isn’t that why the judicial system exists?
To right wrongs and to protect the innocent from malicious foes?

If the Lord Himself is most just, how on earth could He expect us to turn a blind eye to our enemies’ infractions and in some cases downright malevolent behavior?

Love your enemy? Seriously?
It’s difficult enough to love my friends.

Our Lord seems to put salt in the wound when He says that God His Father is “kind to the unthankful, and to the evil” (Luke 6:35).
If He is kind and blesses evildoers, what is the point of being good and renouncing doing evil?

Have you ever been betrayed, abused, purposefully overlooked, marginalized, persecuted, robbed, cheated on?
Rarely does anyone venture through life without being the victim of such evils.

The pain stings.
The cut runs deep.
The anger runs deeper.
Foul and festering is the disease of resentment.

The aching soul cries out for justice, vengeance, and for restoration of what has been lost.
Why would our good, merciful Lord Jesus ask of us something so counterintuitive, so repugnant to our soul as to forgive the one who damaged us?

Four reasons why our Lord commands us to forgive:

1. Your Sanity

The culprit has damaged us.
We will never be the same.

Yet, that evil doer has proceeded on with his or her life and we are left with the pain.
Consequently, we allow the pain to fester.
We mull over the memory of the offense.
We refuse to let it go, and therefore it refuses to let us go.
We refuse to release it, and therefore we are chained in a prison of resentment and hatred.

The assailant continues to assail us without even knowing that he is doing so.
The offender is no longer attacking us, but we use the memory of the offense to attack ourselves.

When we refuse to forgive one who has wounded us, we use their offense as a sword that continues to cut at and wound us.

Unforgiveness is similar to “cutting.”
A person cuts themselves to release the internal pain, but instead, the cutter inflicts upon himself more pain, infection, or worse.

Our thoughts of vengeance and retaliation boomerang upon and inflict greater pain upon us.
As St. Augustine famously said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.”

Research demonstrates that unforgiveness can contribute to and is linked to increased stress, anxiety and depression.

Additionally, unforgiveness can impact mental health negatively, even causing post-traumatic stress disorder.
By not forgiving the one who has wounded you, you are further wounding yourself.

Our Lord commands us to forgive our enemies so that the enemy no longer has power over us.

When we release him of his offense, we release ourselves.
When we forgive him for his attacking us, we cease to allow that memory to attack us.

Do not think that by forgiving your enemy that it will cause you pain.

No.

To not forgive your enemy is actually inflicting pain.
To forgive your enemy allows you to pierce through the pain and be released from the evil.

2. God Has Entrusted You With a Huge Responsibility—Your Enemy’s Soul

Often, after being betrayed by an enemy we wonder and even cry out, “God, why did you allow this to befall me!?!?”
Now some people will try to sugarcoat this and respond by saying, “God did not allow this. This is from the devil.”

Maybe. Maybe not.

At the very least, God permitted this evil.
If He permitted this malice to thrive, there must be a good reason, for it that is in accordance with His Divine Will.

But what could that be?

Recently, a friend of mine recounted how he had been used, betrayed and ultimately exiled from his own business.
His enemy used his identity and credentials to embezzle hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars, ultimately using my friend as the scapegoat.
The stress, the anguish, the injustice nearly overwhelmed him.
But then a thought occurred to him,

“This man is evil.
He has ruined my life.
He deserves Hell.

That would be just.

But perhaps there is no one in this man’s life who would ever pray for him.

Perhaps God allowed this to befall me because He entrusted me with this man’s malice.

Perhaps, God knew that I would be the only person on this earth who would pray for this man’s wretched soul.

Perhaps God allowed this to happen to me so that by forgiving him and praying for him—which is a tremendous sacrifice—I would, by God’s grace, obtain his salvation.

Perhaps God allowed the pain that this man inflicted upon me to be so severe that my prayers for him could become extremely powerful.”

Indeed, I don’t think God can refuse the prayer of one who prays for his persecutor.
Ask St. Stephen whose prayers obtained the conversion of St. Paul.
Ask Jesus who begged his Father to forgive them that crucified and reviled Him, and by doing so obtained the conversion of Dismas (the penitent thief) and Longinus (the Roman soldier who after piercing the side of Jesus’s dead body was converted).

Perhaps someone has done evil against you, so that you can obtain conversion for them.

3. Forgiveness and Mercy Alone Convert

I remember shortly after surrendering my life to Jesus that I toggled between my old licentious ways, my former hedonistic behaviors, my sinful relationships and my newfound faith.

It was torturous.
I was spiritually schizophrenic.
One day I was pure and alive in Christ.
The next day I was impure and dead in my transgressions.

Perhaps there has been no other time in my life when I felt most loved by God the Father.
Looking back, it was as if His divine arm was wrapped around me.
I felt His presence, His patience, His mercy.
He refused to destroy me or condemn me.
He patiently walked that torturous road with me until I was able to walk myself.
His mercy astounded me.

His love won me.

He refused to abandon me and therefore I could not abandon Him.
I trusted that He loved me.
And that love healed me.

Hatred breeds hatred.
Vengeance adds gasoline to the already burning fire of hatred.

But love begets love.
Love converts – every day.

The best chance for your enemy being converted and repenting of his ways is by you loving him—not hating him.

4. This Separates the Men from the Boys

Jesus says, “Love your enemies…and your reward will be great, and you shall be the sons of the Highest…” (Luke 6:35).
When you forgive you become a true son of God—in the Son who has forgiven us even while we were His enemies (See Rom 5:10).

To be trustworthy spiritual fathers, we must first become trusting sons.
The trusting son is the one who believes that by forgiving his enemies, he becomes most free, most powerful, and most compelling.
He knows that his is the call to forgive one another, even as Christ has forgiven him (See Eph 4:32).

Christianity is full of boys imprisoned in men’s bodies.
Spiritual boys imprisoned in and retarded by their own resentment.

The difference between the man of God and the boy is that he follows the True Man’s example who forgave those who murdered Him.
Forgiving those who pierced Christ, though they were pierced by Christ’s mercy and therefore converted.

This is impossible by our own powers.

Impossible.

But by letting Jesus into our boat, into our soul, His Spirit can live in and through us. He, from within us, can do the impossible of forgiving our enemies…

Peter caught nothing during a night of fishing.
Jesus got into Peter’s boat and Jesus miraculously filled Peter’s net with fish.
Peter eventually became a fisher of men.

Let Jesus into your boat…into your soul.
Ask Him to empower you to do what He always does: forgive your enemies.
Forgiveness is the net that catches the fish of men.

This is what separates the men from the boys.

Devin Schadt | Executive Director of the Fathers of St. Joseph

Ite ad Joseph