Women Should Lead the Family?

Some contend that Christ’s vision, the biblical understanding, the Church’s teaching regarding marriage includes the controversial notion that a husband is the head of his wife.

But how can that be?
Isn’t that type of thinking the height of inequality?

What if a husband is not as intelligent, holy, self-giving as his wife?
Or worse, what if a man is abusive, dismissive, or neglectful?

Shouldn’t authority be founded upon ability, skills and fervor?

Consider that Christian congregations are typically comprised of 61% female and 39% male attendees.
In Eastern Europe, the ratio is even more severe: 4 females to every 1 male.

Women appear to be more faithful and men seem to be checked out.
Shouldn’t this alone indicate that men are not good candidates for the spiritual leadership of their family?

In fact, doesn’t St. Paul say, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (See Eph 5:21).
Doesn’t this indicate that neither the husband nor wife have been endowed with ultimate authority? Both of them have equal authority—right?

Can’t we agree that after the radical feminist revolution in the 1960’s that we’ve all matured, become wise, and realized that anything a man can do a woman can do just as well?
Including running a family and leading them to God?

Isn’t it archaic and inappropriate to say that a man’s role and responsibility differs from his wife’s?

Even politically correct churchmen, use Ephesians 5:21 either to nuance or dismiss this “harsh” teaching of male headship.

Let’s examine this.

For those who believe that the Scripture is Divinely Inspired and has authority to teach:

St. Paul says, “Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord” (Eph 5:22).

It seems clear that a wife is to be subject to her husband’s authority.
The Sacred Scripture says as much.
Additionally, St. Paul says, “The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body” (Eph 5:23).

In marriage, the husband is head of his wife.
The family’s leader—ultimately—is the father of that family.

God gave man this authority.

But isn’t this authority relegated strictly to being a wife’s servant?
Afterall, St. Paul also says,

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church, and delivered Himself up for it” (Eph 5:25).
Spiritual egalitarians interpret this to mean that men’s headship consists of being silent servants of their wives and children.

While there are elements of truth to these attempts to reconcile a difficult teaching with contemporary culture, they are deceptive.

A deception builds upon a premise that is true but distorts the premise to convey a false conclusion.
As do these propositions.

Yes, a husband is called to serve…as Christ is called to serve.
Yes, a husband is to “deliver” himself up for his wife.
This is a true premise…that can be twisted to convey a false ideology.

But what does it mean that a husband “deliver” himself to his wife?

The Greek word rendered “Deliver,” paredōken, means to hand over, to give, to deliver over.
Our Lord uses this word to describe His Father’s generosity.

“If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children: how much more will your Father who is in heaven, give (paredōken) good things to them that ask?” (Mt 7:11).

To deliver means to be generous as God is generous.
So we could conclude that a husband “delivers” himself to his wife by being generous to her.

But this generosity is not limited to giving things but also includes the sharing of one’s authority.

“And having called his twelve disciples together, [Jesus] gave (paredōken) them power [authority] over unclean spirits” (Mt 10:1).
In other words, to “deliver” also means to give authority to another?

But doesn’t that mean that the woman, the wife has been given authority.

Yes, it does.

But from whom does she receive her authority?
From her husband, who generously shares his power with her.

Christ shared his power with men, but He did not remove it from Himself.
Rather, He maintains it—in full force.
To share his authority with his wife presupposes that the husband —like Christ—possesses and maintains his authority.

Yes, couples are to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
This mutual subjection, this sharing of authority, is completely dependent on the cause, the initiating source, from which it proceeds… from the man… who receives his authority from God.

But what if a husband is unbelieving and not practicing his faith.
Shouldn’t a wife have authority over her marriage and the family?

St. Peter tells us the opposite:

“Wives…submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words, [but] by the behavior of their wives” (1 Pet 3:1).

Perhaps men of the past, who wrongly used their authority have influenced women to assume authority wrongly.
But one sin does not justify another.

The answer is not to punish men for the authority God has given to them.
Or for men to punish women by misusing their authority.
The answer is for men to assume their authority—which above all includes heroic self-sacrifice…to be his wife’s savior (small ‘s’).

A wife whose husband becomes her savior by means of his sacrifice helps her to embrace the true Savior who has sacrificed Himself for her that she may have eternal life.

To those who have been given much, much is required (See Lk 12:48).
Men, God is requiring much of us.
Women, respect that requirement by helping your husband fulfill it.