Trust in Marriage

Section 4 | Rule 21: The Essential Nature of Trust in Marriage

Trust in marriage is not founded on mountain-top moments, but in the daily exchange of hearts.
When trust is absent, even small wounds become deep fractures; when trust is present, even serious failures can be healed.
For this reason, a husband must learn to imitate Christ, who reveals His Heart fully and invites His Bride into that same vulnerability.

The Foundation of a Great Marriage

Trust is the essential, fundamental foundation of every true and enduring relationship, especially in the Sacrament of Marriage. A husband is to ask God’s assistance and apply the grace that he receives for the purpose of forging an ever-increasing bond of trust between him and his wife. For if trust is established, there will be honest vulnerability between the spouses. If vulnerability is present, intimacy between spouses will be deepened. Consequently, intimacy is deepened, accountability will become habitual and well received. Hence, if accountability is well received, the two will manifest the love of God; and in manifesting the love of God, they will become living saints.

Vulnerability Builds Trust

Let the Custos be aware that his greatest effort in his marriage is to build the bond of trust by means of countless acts of vulnerability. He accomplishes this by allowing his inner sentiments to be revealed to his wife charitably and by assuring her that she can safely share her inner sentiments with him charitably, without his rejecting or judging her. If the Custos is consistent in his efforts to forge the bond of trust between him and his wife, then, when he does fail her (and he will, for he is a fallen human), she will be more ready to forgive him and to labor for the restoration of the bond of trust between them.

Forgiveness: A Pathway to Building Trust

As the proverb says, “A righteous man falls seven times, and rises again” Prov. 24:16). Our Lord says, regarding how many times a man should forgive one who has offended him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:22). In other words, the husband will fall many times, but if he lays the foundation of trust in his marriage, he will assist his wife in fulfilling the Lord’s command to forgive him. Conversely, if trust is established with his wife, the Custos will become more willing and able to forgive her for her failings.

Call to action: When trust is broken, the temptation is to withdraw and protect oneself.
Yet Christ teaches the opposite path. The husband who chooses vulnerability over self-protection becomes an image of the Bridegroom, who opens His Heart even when it is pierced.

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