3 Things I Did to Kill the Boy

I was haunted by the unsettling reality that I was not a real man.

Spiritually slothful, easily overcome by temptation, I was a boy trapped in a man’s body.
By the age of 26, I resented the person I had become.

I remember telling God that I wanted more, to be more, to become a real man, a saint, to be like Christ, capable of heroic sacrifice.
Immediately, a question followed my supplication:

“How bad do you want it?”

“Real bad, Lord.”

Immediately, another thought followed:

“Not enough to offer Me your first fruits.”

I knew of what He spoke.

My morning prayer consisted of a half-hearted, sloppy 30-second offering.
I had a home-gym but had not made space for a “prayer-room.”
I attended Holy Mass on Sunday but proceeded to carry out my own pursuits.

I gave God my leftovers.

Go to a restaurant.
Order your meal.
Then watch your waitress bring you the leftovers of the couple who just finished dining …

Nobody likes leftovers—especially God.

This conviction inspired me to establish three things that changed my life:

1. Schedule my day around God, rather than God around my day.

2. Establish an in-home chapel (my tent of meeting).

3. Give God the first fruits of my day—at least an hour of prayer and meditation—before doing anything else.

The decision was not decisive.
I often failed.
I made excuses.

Eventually the pain of not being who I was called to be became greater than the pain demanded of me to become great.

Power is derived by spending time with the All-Powerful God.

I decided to offer the “boy” on my altar of sacrifice, believing that God will allow the new man to emerge.
I heeded the command: Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be granted to you besides.

Whether it was tithing a portion of my house to God as a “tent of meeting,” establishing a daily routine consisting of a solid hour spent with God in the morning, or pursuing His will on His Holy Day, I learned a valuable maxim:

Give to God yourself and God will give Himself to you.