Why People Are Miserable…Or Happy

Why Do We Do What We Do?

Have you ever had thoughts like this:
Why can’t I be happy?
Why is that person so happy?
Is there a secret way to be happy?
Why are people so miserable?

More precisely:
How do I stop being miserable?
Have you ever felt frustrated, perhaps irritated because a friend, co-worker is always “chipper?”

I remember hearing someone say, “The mark of a Christian is joy.”
At that time, I was miserable.
It sounded more like a condemnation than a commendation.

Whether we know it, everything we do is because we believe—even subconsciously—that the action will obtain something; and obtaining that something will obtain for us happiness.

Whether you purposefully rise on time or oversleep.
Whether you abstain from that bowl of ice cream or indulge.
Whether you give up booze or booze it up.
Whether you fight against lust or surrender to porn.

Everything you and I do is motivated by the hope for happiness.

Is Happiness Accidental?

Happiness has the root word hap, as in haphazard, happen, and happenstance, which convey the idea of luck, chance, fortune, by accident.

Is happiness accidental?
Is happiness just for the lucky?

Happiness researchers, also known as Positive Psychologists, offer convincing research that happiness and misery are not accidental.

Positive Psychologists contend that selfish acts are proven to give a person brief doses of happiness.
Yet, happiness procured this way fades quickly.
Because of the temporary half-life of happiness that selfish acts produce, a person can condition themselves to commit repetitive, consistent selfish acts in hopes of reliving and experiencing some form of happiness.

Consider the heroin addict.

The first time he uses, he experiences a rush that he has never prior experienced.
His dopamine levels are off the chart.
After he comes down from the high and crashes, his dopamine levels trough.
He cannot think about anything else save that feeling of euphoria.
He uses again, and again, and again, in hopes of obtaining that same feeling…
And yet, he cannot obtain it.
This is one reason, why users overdose:
They are straining towards happiness—so much, that they risk their life to obtain it.

On the other hand, selfless behavior causes a positive feedback loop.
Selflessness drives a person to become more selfless.
And selflessness makes you and the people around you happier.

The Science Behind Happiness

Neuroscientists have discovered that when the brain releases simultaneously the three chemicals: dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin a person is happy.

Serotonin affords better sleep, digestion, memory, learning and appetite control.

Oxytocin decreases blood pressure and is the foundation of sexual arousal.
Oxytocin is the “feel good” “warm all over” hormone that is often experienced by a woman when she is breast feeding her child, or a couple experiences in the “after-glow” of satisfying sexual intercourse.
Oxytocin also reduces social fears, enhances empathy, reduces pain, increases wound healing.

Dopamine is connected to motivation, achievement and arousal.
Dr. Andrew Huberman says, “Dopamine is the universal currency.”
Dopamine drives us.

Medical research has proven that any activity that produces these neurochemicals causes boost in mood.

Selfless acts produce release this chemical trifecta in the brain.
Selfless acts afford lasting happiness.
The brains of those who are selfless secrete these three chemicals simultaneously.

Intentionally Happy

Medical and neurological research has proven that there are two actions that allow this chemical trifecta of serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine to be secreted in the brain simultaneously:
gratitude and giving.

I call it the 3G plan.

When you are thankful, you are more giving.
The more you give, the more thankful you are that you gave.
The more one gives the more he become grateful.
The more grateful, the more giving.

Gratitude literally rewires your brain for positivity, making you more optimistic, productive, creative, and emotionally open.
In other words: happier.

But you can only thank yourself and others so much.
And you can only give to others so much.

The key is the third “G”—God.

When we are grateful to God, we desire to give to God.
When we give to God, we give to our neighbor.
When we give to our neighbor, we awaken happiness in them.

God is the hinge between giving and gratitude.
He is the inspiration behind our gratitude and giving.

When we are thankful for God, we become generous to and for God.

God is the author of happiness.

That’s why His Word tells us:

“Be thankful in all circumstances” (1 Thes 5:18).

“Offer to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving” (Ps 50:14).

“Give and it shall be given unto you” (Lk 6:38).

“It is better to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

Happiness is not accidental.
Happiness is intentional.

This Advent, work at being happy.

A couple of recommendations:

Develop your gratitude list.
Write down the things for which you are thankful.
Take that list to prayer. Recite each item for which you are thankful ending with “Thank you Father.”
For example: For my wife, Deo Patri gratias… For my job, Deo Patri gratias…
Intentionally identify little ways that you can be a gift to others.
Little acts of service; an affirming comment; perhaps a text or call to say that you are thinking about them.
Our world forgets people.
We think that posting on Instagram and Facebook to everyone is somehow remembering them. That’s bogus.
To be remembered by another—intentionally—awakens people to the fact that they are special, loved.
Give a little more time and money to those who are in need.
Dig a bit deeper.
“Pay it forward.”
Even if it hurts.
Mother Theresa said, “give until it hurts.”
John Cougar Mellencamp sang, “It hurts so good.”
Giving that is painful becomes joyful.
The freedom and happiness this affords long-term is tremendous.
Remember, God cannot be outdone in generosity.

At this point, your brain is beginning to make excuses.
I bet most of them are rooted in selfishness.
Which will only enslave you in misery.
Do it afraid.
Risk a little.
Be grateful to God.
Give to and for God…
And you will experience a slow drip of ongoing happiness that changes you and the world around you.