Give Up Your Family This Lent

This title is not click-bait.
This topic is not anti-marriage or anti-fatherhood or anti-family.
Jesus said, “And everyone that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands for my name’s sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall possess life everlasting.” (Matt 19:29)
Our Lord’s words are extremely challenging and unsettling—but more so when applied to the man who is striving to live out his vocation as a husband or father.

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Come on! How could I give up my home? My wife? My children?
Can we even apply His words to our vocation as husband and father, or are we simply out of luck?

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Could marriage and family hinder us from following Christ?
That does not seem possible.
Our vocation is the path to God and glory—right?

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But often we can use our families, our marriages, our children, our state in life as a father or a husband as an excuse to not seek or serve our Lord Jesus.

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We might sleep in late because we stayed up late watching a show or two, with the family the night before…consequently we miss morning prayer.

We might put off praying with the family at night because the wife and kids already had a burdensome day, and we don’t want to “burden” them with one more thing…consequently we don’t lead ourselves or our family to God.

We might stay late at work, believing that we are working to sacrifice for our family, but are rather sacrificing our family for our work.

We might opt out of that Lenten men’s retreat because we would be taking too much time away from the family…and hence we neglect dedicating exclusive time to God.

Our Lord does call us to leave houses and wives and children for His sake.
But what does that look like?

Below are five ways (The 5 R’s) that help us heed Jesus’ command and give up our family for Lent.
These five ways have been game-changers in my life and set me on a completely different trajectory.
I hope they help you.

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1. Recapture Morning Time With Jesus

Men want to be powerful.
Most appeal to worldly power and promises.
But why do we feel so weak internally?

God is all-powerful.
St. John promises, “The one who is in you has overcome the world.”
But that God of power who dwells within us is often imprisoned within us because we neglect to meet with Him.

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God is the power source.
Prayer is the power cord.
If the power cord of a refrigerator is not plugged into the power source, that refrigerator doesn’t work.
Eventually, the food inside of it spoils.
Our internal soul spoils when we are not plugged into God.

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This Lent, challenge yourself to spending at least 30 minutes with Jesus every morning.
Below is a suggestion as to how you can accomplish this—I call it the 4 R’s:

Read the Gospel of the day.

Reflect on Jesus, who He is, what He is telling you about Himself and His love for you.

Respond to Him.
This can be your self-evaluation; your praise of Him, your petitions offered to Him, your gratitude for Him.
Usually, for me it consists of, “Lord, I am not like You. Help me to be like You.”

Rest.
Just sit back and let Jesus silently, discreetly, pump His divine grace into you.

Enemies to this devotion: Sleeping in, hitting the snooze button (repeatedly), staying in bed hoping that your wife may be affectionate, doom scrolling prior to bedtime, binge watching movies the night prior, the alcoholic drink(s) before sleep; using your phone during prayer and eventually finding yourself on ESPN’s YouTube channel; eating prior to bed. Going to bed at a different time each night. Many of these things rob a person of good, solid sleep; which is necessary to rise next morning and meet Jesus at your scheduled time.

Tips: Place your phone across the room, so that when the alarm sounds you have to get out of bed to shut it off.
This also helps you not to use it prior to bed.
Get up at the same time every morning no matter what.
Make sure that your bedtime is consistent.
Ensure that you obtain enough solid R.E.M. sleep.

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2. Recapture Evening Time With God the Father

These fifteen minutes consist of examining your day: the blessings, the sins, the failures, your communications and the events that transpired.

Kneel before God the Father and place the entirety of that day at His “feet” as your offering.
Reserve nothing for yourself.
Give Him your sins, your failures, your successes, your glories.
Recount them to Him and say: these are Yours…do with them as You will.
He will use them in a way that is for His glory.
This action alone helps men sleep better at night.

There are plenty of examens out there on the internet.
If you need a simple framework, you could try this:

1. How did/didn’t I serve God?
   This includes fulfilling prayer devotions and fulfilling the ten commandments.
2. How did/didn’t I love my neighbor? The beatitudes can help with this.
3. What blessings has God given me that I need to thank Him for?
4. End with asking God to serve him and your neighbor better tomorrow.

Enemies to this devotion: Being tired. Not exercising your will. Saying things like: God understands that I am tired. Yes, He understands, but He doesn’t approve of your laziness. Again, binge scrolling, video watching, snacking and drinking prior to bed, staying out late with the guys, not going to bed at the same time every night, can all hinder you from fulfilling this devotion.

Tip: If you are too tried prior to bed, on the way home from work, pull the car over on the side of the road for a couple of minutes, and while alert, examine your day and offer that to God.

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3. Reclaim My Family For Christ

Chaos.
So many families are commanded by chaos.
We run our children from this sporting event to another.
From this practice to another.
We ourselves have this meeting or that group or that event that we need to attend.
All the while, our true role of being the spiritual leader of our family is eclipsed and forgotten.

We can reclaim our family for Christ by doing several things:

 

1. Make a commitment to pray with your family at night three times a week. This could consist of family Rosary; praying night prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours, or simply asking each person to voice their petitions and things they are thankful for and gathering those prayers by ending with an Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be.

Call me “Catholic Light” but because I pray my Rosary in the morning before meditation time, my family prays only one decade together.
However, I like this devotion because it removes the temptation to fast forward through the Rosary as though the goal is simply completing it as fast as we can.
Each person voices their thanksgiving and petitions.
I then lead a Scriptural Decade.
Prior to each Hail Mary, I recite a scripture passage that allows us to follow the mystery and following the mystery we follow Christ.
We take it slow.
We pause a bit.
We steep in the mystery like coffee grounds in hot water.

 

2. Sunday Gospel Reflection
Another option is reflecting on the upcoming Sunday Gospel.

Choose one night a week for your family to gather and read the upcoming Sunday’s Gospel.
Then ask if anyone has any thoughts, comments, questions.
After the conversation ask anyone if they have prayer intentions.
End with prayer.

 

3. Family Dinner

Reclaim family dinner!

The family dinner allows you to get to know what is going on in your children and wife’s life, while also allowing them to know you (Teens who eat dinner with their families 5-7x/week are four times less likely to use alcohol, tobacco, or drugs).

Work with your spouse to plan regular family meals.
This includes considering factors like meal planning, cooking, grocery shopping, and reviewing the family schedule.
It may sound like a lot of work, but the effort is worthy the pay-off.

Enemies of this devotion: Satan convincing you that you are too religious and will turn your children away from God; your working late; sports and extracurricular activities, board and church meetings.

Tip: Ask yourself what matters more, this “commitment” or me being committed to my family that my family may be committed to Christ?

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4. Retreat With Jesus into the Desert

Lent begins with Christ venturing out to the desert.
We imitate Christ.
A good way to imitate Christ is by going on a two- or three-day silent retreat.

Locate a monastery or men’s ministry near you and sign up for their men’s Lenten retreat.
If they don’t have one available, do your own personal self-led silent retreat.
Stay at a monastery for a couple of nights.
Join the monks in their prayer and Mass times.
Schedule a time to confess your sins to one of the priests and ask him for spiritual direction.

The scripture tells us that the “Word of God came to John in the desert” (Luke 3:2).
God speaks in the silence.

I can attest to this.
I developed the outline of Joseph’s Way: The Call to Fatherly Greatness at one my first silent retreats.
Show Us The Father, for the most part, was written over the course of a four-day silent retreat.

When we stop our busy lives, we become capable of discerning God’s still small voice.

Enemies to this devotion: The mindset my family cannot survive without me. The world will crumble without me there.

Tip: You will be forgotten ten days after you die. The world doesn’t need you all that badly. Kick the pride out and understand that the world around you, particularly your family, will most likely crumble if you don’t give yourself fully to God.
By giving your family up for a couple days, you will become capable of giving your family to Christ—for all eternity.

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5. Revive Your Daily Walk with Christ

Find a daily devotional that will help you to know Jesus intimately and begin walking with Him intentionally.

Enemies: We don’t identify a Lenten daily devotion.
We try to wing it and by day 6 we run out of ideas and motivation.

Tip: Find a devotional that “does it for you.”

It was for this purpose that I wrote Jesus’ Way: The 46-Day Lenten Journey To Be Unconquerable in Christ.

This devotional makes walking with Jesus daily so easy.
Each daily reflection takes only minutes to read.
And each of the seven stages has associated spiritual practices that if done become life changing.
We receive incredibly encouraging and heartening feedback regarding Jesus’ Way.
Many married couples do it together.

Regardless, make it easy.
Find a Lenten devotional that you can depend on and depending on it, you become dependable.

Our Lord calls us to be courageous and honest enough not to use our family as an excuse to not seek and serve Him.
May this Lent be The Lent that changes your relationship with Christ forever.